This weekend I might watch the sun rise.  I might take my dog on a really long walk.  I might even sleep in.  To be honest I have no idea what I will do.  All I know is my body will be confused.  My equilibrium will be disturbed and my blood will be alcohol free.  You see, this Saturday is the first road game on the Ohio State football schedule.  The team plays at Illinois at noon, but from 6AM until about 11:30AM on Saturday morning I will have no idea what to do with myself.  As a matter of fact, starting Thursday night, I will have a big void that I need to fill.  Gone is the Thursday night trip to the grocery store.  Gone is the Friday lunch trip to whatever restaurant is catering our tailgate.  Gone is the Friday afternoon pack up.  There is no need to make sure the grill is clean.  No need to restock on propane tanks, paper towels, forks, and most importantly, the red plastic beer hiding cups.  I don’t need to drop my car off to save our spot.  There is no need to go to bed early and set my alarm.  I might just make whoopy instead.  There is no need to call the neighbors to organize a dog sitter… ah, the list goes on.  This is just… weird!

So I sit here reflecting on the alcohol induced blur that occurs every home game weekend.  Why do we do it?  Why does anyone do it?  Why is it that a tailgate, even for a group of seasoned professionals, requires days of preparation?  Why is it that there are so many people who do what we do that the parking lot is stacked by 8AM.  If you don’t have a spot by 7AM, don’t expect a square of grass big enough for your tailgate tent.  Are we all crazy?

We do it because football is in our blood.  We are from Ohio.  Football is inherently in every Ohioan’s blood.  Screw Texas, screw Florida, and screw California.  Football IS the Midwest.  Three of the top 5 largest football stadiums are in the Midwest and in the Big 10.  Texas has Dallas and a strange amusement park that doubles as a football stadium.  Texas has border wars and drug dealers from Mexico.  Texas has cowboys and dude ranches.  If football is so big in Texas, then why does San Antonio, a city that has more people than any city in Ohio, not have a professional or major college football team?  Florida is for old people, taking vacations, and Cuban immigrants.  There are beaches in Florida.  There is Miami… and if I went there, there would be a giant pile of stinky shit on Lebron James’ front door step.  California has movie stars and surfing.  California has Snoop Dogg.  Arnold Schwarzenegger is the governor for Pete’s sake.

What does Ohio have?  Ohio has Paul Brown, a football legend.  The man has a stadium and a team named after him in two different cities.  Ohio has three major cities and three professional quality football teams.  Ohio has the Icky Shuffle and the Cardiac Kids.  Ohio has Canton, which houses the Pro Football Hall of Fame.   Ohio has Archie Griffin, the only two time Heisman Trophy winner ever.  Ohio has Jim Brown, the greatest football player of all time. (that’s right Kanye, OF ALL TIME) Ohio has Woody Hayes and the greatest college football rivalry that will ever exist.  Finally, Ohio has Ohio Stadium.

Ohio Stadium

More than 90,000 people came to watch the Ohio State vs Michigan game in Ohio Stadium…. In 1925!  The ‘Shoe brings forth feelings of Ancient Rome and the Coliseum with its larger than life, iconic stature in the belly of the Ohio State campus.  Only the privileged and well connected can even get their hands on big game tickets.  On game day, the sounds, the sea of red, and the emotions of the crowd engulf anyone who walks through the rotunda and into bowels of the concrete monstrosity.  Going to a game at Ohio Stadium is a bucket list type of event.  Beyond the pomp, the best damn band in the land, and the pure volume of people all in the same place for the same reason is what happens on the field: football;  damned good football.  Every player on the field has the opportunity to live the dream of football glory shared by every red blooded Ohioan.

And that’s why we do it.  Because we start thinking about the game on Tuesday.  We start losing focus at work on Wednesday.  To cope, we start preparing for the tailgate on Thursday and maybe catch a game on TV to hold us over.  We sport our gear to work on Friday because our anxiety is already starting to boil over and our blood is already pumping a little bit harder.  We really don’t need the alarm on Saturday because we are staring at the clock waiting for it to tell us that it’s acceptable to leave the house and go sit in a parking lot.  It’s not about partying like it is in the south.  It’s not about being seen like it is in Hollywood.  It’s about being there.  It’s because we all love football.  And it’s because we are all……. Buckeyes.

O-H…